The FUCKED UP joke thread

[Hulud]

lets see some of your most FUCKED up jokes
***Disclaimer*** no race jokes

heres a good starting point

whats the difference between a dead baby and a girlfriend?


i dont kiss my girlfriend after sex

[Kelly]

Awful... :no:

[2.0civic]

hahaha NOICE.

[william_jeff]

i don't get it

[ShooterMcGavin]

dammit hulud, quit reposting ur dead baby jokes :slap:

[ShooterMcGavin]

what's the difference between a dyke and a rhino?


about 50 lbs and a flannel shirt...

[DieselNuts]

what's the difference between a dyke and a rhino?


about 50 lbs and a flannel shirt...
hahahahahaha!!!!!!

[Spectic Tank]

Q. What sound does a baby in a blender make?


A. I dont know, I was too busy jerking off

[ShooterMcGavin]

well since half of these are reposts anyway......

what's the difference btw a ferrari and 20,000 dead babies?


i don't have a ferrari in my garage...

[nreggie454]

I know a couple (and I don't tell them often):


What is the difference between a live baby and an apple?
Apples don't scream when I peel them.



What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don't fuck apples before I eat them.


What is the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds?
There's 20 of them.

What's better than having sex with an 8 year old?
Pulling her hair back to make her look like she's 6.

What's better than having sex with a 6 year old?
NOTHING!


How do you fit 100 dead babies in a box?
A blender.

How do you get them out?
Tostitos!

(This is much better in person) This guy goes to a bar and picks up a girl. They go back to his place and start to fool around. As they are fooling around, the girl starts talking to him:
"Put your hand in my cha cha"
He did.
"Now put your other hand in my cha cha"
he did.
"Now clap."
"I can't"
"Pretty tight huh?"



This guy and girl were messing around in his car. They were gonna get superdirtynasty, but she was on the rag, like a bitch. So, since the guy doesn't wanna get blood on his pee pee, he decides to finger her. He does this for a little bit until a cop comes by. Luckily for them, his windows were tinted and a little foggy, so the cop couldn't see what they were doing. The dude rolls down the window and talks to the cop:
Cop: "What are you two doing here at this time of night?"
Guy: *licks fingers* "Oh officer, we were just eating pizza!"

[Bballjamal]

what's the difference between a dyke and a rhino?


about 50 lbs and a flannel shirt...


+1 if I can!

[coolcat]

LMFAO BEST THREAD EVER LOLOLOL reps to whoever i can.

[DieselNuts]

This guy goes to a bar and picks up a girl. They go back to his place and start to fool around. As they are fooling around, the girl starts talking to him:
"Put your hand in my cha cha"
He did.
"Now put your other hand in my cha cha"
he did.
"Now clap."
"I can't"
"Pretty tight huh?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kyle]

How do you make a dead baby float?


Take your foot of its head.

[ShooterMcGavin]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

[Hulud]

What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don't fuck apples before I eat them.

if you're gonna tell a joke, tell it correctly

its:
What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?

I dont cum on my apple before eating it

[Kelly]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

*boo!!!*

Repost. Please refer to post #10 :taun:

[Hulud]

Whats better than skull fucking a six year old chinese boy in the shower?



... Slicking his hair back so he looks like a 3 year old chinese boy!

[Hulud]

...

[Hulud]

Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

[Hulud]

Why wasn't JFK a good boxer?

He couldn't take a shot to the head

[ShooterMcGavin]

*boo!!!*

Repost. Please refer to post #10 :taun:
wtf are u talkin about? :screwy:

[ShooterMcGavin]

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Fucked...

how do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?

nail its other hand to the floor...

[DieselNuts]

Hulud just seperated all his jokes into different posts....I smell a post whore...

[Kelly]

Wayne! EFFING READ!!!


I know a couple (and I don't tell them often):


What is the difference between a live baby and an apple?
Apples don't scream when I peel them.



What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
I don't fuck apples before I eat them.


What is the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds?
There's 20 of them.

What's better than having sex with an 8 year old?
Pulling her hair back to make her look like she's 6.

What's better than having sex with a 6 year old?
NOTHING!


How do you fit 100 dead babies in a box?
A blender.

How do you get them out?
Tostitos!

(This is much better in person) This guy goes to a bar and picks up a girl. They go back to his place and start to fool around. As they are fooling around, the girl starts talking to him:
"Put your hand in my cha cha"
He did.
"Now put your other hand in my cha cha"
he did.
"Now clap."
"I can't"
"Pretty tight huh?"



This guy and girl were messing around in his car. They were gonna get superdirtynasty, but she was on the rag, like a bitch. So, since the guy doesn't wanna get blood on his pee pee, he decides to finger her. He does this for a little bit until a cop comes by. Luckily for them, his windows were tinted and a little foggy, so the cop couldn't see what they were doing. The dude rolls down the window and talks to the cop:
Cop: "What are you two doing here at this time of night?"
Guy: *licks fingers* "Oh officer, we were just eating pizza!"

[ShooterMcGavin]

Hulud just seperated all his jokes into different posts....I smell a post whore...

he didn't get almost 24k posts by condensing them into singular posts :goodjob:

[ShooterMcGavin]

Wayne! EFFING READ!!!

no kelly, YOU effing read post #17 :goodjob: ;)

[Hulud]

Hulud just seperated all his jokes into different posts....I smell a post whore...
it all looked like one joke together

[Hulud]

he didn't get almost 24k posts by condensing them into singular posts :goodjob:
noobs :no: lol

[ShooterMcGavin]

noobs :no: lol
i know right :rolleyes:

[ShooterMcGavin]

they

[ShooterMcGavin]

must

[ShooterMcGavin]

be

[ShooterMcGavin]

jealous

[ShooterMcGavin]

having

[ShooterMcGavin]

the

[ShooterMcGavin]

30

[ShooterMcGavin]

second

[ShooterMcGavin]

rule

[Kelly]

no kelly, YOU effing read post #17 :goodjob: ;)

Cheater

[GSRteg®]

LOL.... :lmfao:


Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

[Killer]

ead wayne.... ead.....



this thread reminds me of the family guy episode we saw last night...



"gah peter, your excuses are lamer than fdr's legs!"


(gasps.....)


"what, too soon?"

[Hulud]

they

must

be

jealous

having

the

30

second

rule

pwnt.
:lmao:

[Hulud]

what

[Hulud]

30

[Hulud]

second

[Hulud]

rule?

[Killer]

perfect example of mods abusing their powers....


and ya'll claim you don't do it....

[Kyle]

Lol. Halfwit would have threads where he would post a page before anyone else could say anything. Effin mods. :(

[Hulud]

perfect example of mods abusing their powers....


and ya'll claim you don't do it....

this isnt true abusing powers, abusing powers is when people delete posts becuase they cant handle being made fun of, which we dont do

atleast kyle and others can take that as a joke and laugh about it

[Doppelgänger]

What did Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common??

Their biggest hit was The Wall.





(one of my favs)

[Hulud]

What did Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common??

Their biggest hit was The Wall.





(one of my favs)
:lmao:

touche

[Kelly]

That's not right. Not right at all :no:

[Killer]

this isnt true abusing powers, abusing powers is when people delete posts becuase they cant handle being made fun of, which we dont do

atleast kyle and others can take that as a joke and laugh about it

laugh about deleting posts, or the 30 second rule..


because i wasn't being serious just then man...

[Hulud]

laugh about deleting posts, or the 30 second rule..


because i wasn't being serious just then man...
i was saying that kyle was laughing about the 30 second rule thing

[Killer]

i was saying that kyle was laughing about the 30 second rule thing


and so was i.... i was just being a smart ass... :goodjob: :goodjob:

[Doppelgänger]

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house. Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the corn flakes back in the box."

[Doppelgänger]

Q: How Many Microsoft Engineers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
A: None. Microsoft Will Announce That Darkness Is The New Standard.

[Hulud]

and so was i.... i was just being a smart ass... :goodjob: :goodjob:
got it, my bad

[ShooterMcGavin]

Cheater
i knoweth not what u mean :dunno:

[Doppelgänger]

What's the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting their wheelchairs in the oven.

[Maniaç]

this isn't a joke but its still funny.... so at work theres a gay guy that i once asked this question...

Me- When did you find out you were gay..

Gay dude- When i had a dick in my mouth. lol

its a repost i know. lol!

[ShooterMcGavin]

perfect example of mods abusing their powers....


and ya'll claim you don't do it....

no, that's just EXERCISING our powers, so we don't forget how to use them :goodjob:

[Doppelgänger]

A girl goes up to her father one night and says, "Dad, can I have the car tonight?"
Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, "Sure, if you give me a blowjob."
So the girl puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out.
"Your penis tastes like shit!" she cries.
"Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight."

[RandomGuy]

wtf? no racist jokes i mean you have a disclaimer in the thread

if sum1 were to get offended they should read the thread title

lolol its all good but damnnn theres NO more forums i can put racist jokes up on now except my own and theres like 4 viewers hahahahahahahah

[Doppelgänger]

And heres one for Jorgeeeeeee and Ran....


This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through.
She screams, "You fucking asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a pedophile!"
The man responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for a 12 year old."

[ShooterMcGavin]

What's the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting their wheelchairs in the oven.


What did Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common??

Their biggest hit was The Wall.

(one of my favs)

both excellent, would rep u if i could :D

[ShooterMcGavin]

And heres one for Jorgeeeeeee and Ran....


This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through.
She screams, "You fucking asshole!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a pedophile!"
The man responds, "Wow, you're pretty smart for a 12 year old."
bwahahahaha, must've been blonde :lmao:

[Doppelgänger]

i'll let you know when you can :)

[Kyle]

A girl goes up to her father one night and says, "Dad, can I have the car tonight?"
Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, "Sure, if you give me a blowjob."
So the girl puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out.
"Your penis tastes like shit!" she cries.
"Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight."
I lol'd.

[Evil Goat]

What is brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children's playground.

What is the worst part about killing a baby?
Getting blood on your clown suit.

What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
The wall behind it.

Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
So you can see the expression on their faces.

and my all time personal favorite

What is red and is creeping up your leg?
An abortion with homesickness.

[Halfwit]

fuck

[Halfwit]

is

[Halfwit]

a 30

[Halfwit]

second

[Halfwit]

rule.?

[TIGERJC]

rule.?
do I have those powers

[TIGERJC]

guess not :(

[Tasuki_Civic]

lets see some of your most FUCKED up jokes
***Disclaimer*** no race jokes

heres a good starting point

whats the difference between a dead baby and a girlfriend?


i dont kiss my girlfriend after sex


oh shit

[TheGodfather]

Here's a few:

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass and moved on.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese

How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

[Psycho]

funny jokes
Reps all around

[Psycho]

Here is some shit I copied and pasted. Dont know if it's been posted, don't care.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.


After God had created Man he stepped back and admired his
work: "Look at this perfect physique, the strong but yet handsome
features, the well balanced proportions, I have to say, I am in awe
with myself."

Then he turned and looked at the Woman. After he had been
studying her for a while he said: "Well, I guess you will have to
wear make-up."

[EM1toEVO]

Just a few...
Why is there lipstick all over the steering wheel of a blonde's car?
She keeps trying to blow the horn.

What's the definition of a woman?
Life support system for a pussy.

Why to women have a pussy?
So men will talk to them.

How can you tell if a woman is wearing panty hose?
Her ankle swells up when she farts.

[EM1toEVO]

While their proprietor was asleep the parts of the body were talking...

The feet said, "I can't stand it when he puts me in those smelly sneakers and makes me run 'til I get blisters-it's brutal! "Awww hell that's nothing", said the stomach. "All I had last night was beer, pizza, and aspirin. I don't know how I kept it together." The penis said, "Awww stop bitching you two I have it the worst! Every night he puts me in a dark hole and makes me do pushups until I throw up!!"