View Full Version : Misc Relationship advice
Not really sure where to post this at. So Mods if you have a better place move it there be my guest.Ok, so I've been going out with this girl for 1 year and 9 months now. Everything has gone great so far nothing bad. 6 months prior her going out with me she had broken up with her ex Chris. She loved him a whole lot and she broke up with him because she found out that he had cheated on her with another girl and they were having sex. Well they brake up and he moves away to Washington I believe. Shes been going out with me for this while and she knows and I know I love her more than anything in the world. I've never gone out with a girl before and had the feelings I have for her. I'd do literally anything for her. But now her ex Chris is talking to her and today she told me he said, "that he really loves her and he wants to get back with her". The only reason he cheated on her was because he was heartbroken and he wanted to be with someone or some BS excuse like that. She told him that shes going out with me and that I care about her a whole lot and that I'm not in the relationship just for sex and all. She stopped talking to him then and then she is crying and everything and she says her heart hurts and that shes confused and all now. She said she won't go back out with him because of what he did to her. When she told me what he said my heart dropped and I felt empty. Like my heart was ripped out and threw it away. I started to get really cold and I was nervous and scared. What I want to know is what should I do now? I really love her and I do not want to break up with her. Whats everyones 2 cents about this? Please no flaming I'd really appreciate it if no one would do that. Thanks
_Christian_
05-06-2007, 05:23 AM
I dont see what there is for her to be confused about. he screwed her over and you took her in. after a year and nine months there should be no question of who she wants to be with. there's not much you can do. your not going to break up with her, so it is all in her hands. if she wants him and not you, then the bitch will leave you. in which case she would have eventually left you at some point in life anyways. if she wants you, then she's a good girlfriend and she made the right choice. unfortunatly, i really dont think much of it is in your control and you'll just have to wait. i hope everything works out for you.
Theres two ways to go about this:
One being that you stand your ground and stick with her, BUT this requires absolute trust that she feels the same way about you as you do her. Honestly just the fact that she listened to his plea and is confused tells me she's not completely on your side.
Two give her space and time to figure out what she wants and needs in her life. Personally it sounds like she didnt have enough time to do this when they first broke up? It seems as if she was still hurt from the relationship and moved on but never really healed from it.. that is a ticking time bomb.
I think number two is the way to go, if you love her give her space and she'll realize on her own what she really wants. 2 years and now confusion is plain stupidity, he should not be a second thought in her mind at this point.
preferredduck
05-06-2007, 09:46 AM
^^ agree with the space thing. don't pressure her or drill her cuz it will make it worse. i went through the same thing last summer and i boxed her in. she had a kid by another dude and was pregnant at the time. she claims she cheated and it was not my kid. she moved to va and now 9 mos. later she claims the kid is mine and she misses me dearly. she calls once a week or more. the ball is in her court. it may hurt but you gotta ride it out. i should have. now i have a kid in another state and can't see the little one. not yet at least. i can't drill her on that one either.
BTLFED
05-06-2007, 09:58 AM
Theres two ways to go about this:
One being that you stand your ground and stick with her, BUT this requires absolute trust that she feels the same way about you as you do her. Honestly just the fact that she listened to his plea and is confused tells me she's not completely on your side.
Two give her space and time to figure out what she wants and needs in her life. Personally it sounds like she didnt have enough time to do this when they first broke up? It seems as if she was still hurt from the relationship and moved on but never really healed from it.. that is a ticking time bomb.
I think number two is the way to go, if you love her give her space and she'll realize on her own what she really wants. 2 years and now confusion is plain stupidity, he should not be a second thought in her mind at this point.
Agree with number 2. It's going to be hard as hell to do (I'm in a similar situation) but if you keep on and end up smothering her it is just going to drive her away (which I also know because I have done it to this girl when I wasn't trying to). If you really love and trust her you have to be able to let her make the decision on her own. It's not going to be easy, but if you are meant to be together and she has a good head on her shoulders then she will make the right decision.
Sidenote: We don't flame for asking advise on here, we flame for asking for dates on here. :lmfao:
BaHumBugg
05-06-2007, 10:03 AM
Let her figure it out, dont convince her of anything, if she knows how much you care about her she will go the right way, it sucks that you have to be in a position of choice but I wouldnt talk her into shit but just know your always going to be the right person in this so chin up homie
that clearly shows the she doesn't love you like you love her...having thoughts about your ex in a situation like that after 2 year relation ship....
every situation is different but look for another girl, this one will never love you.
and about the crying... women are crazy it might be something else... my ex used to do that crying shit i never got what she was crying for really, but she fucked like crazy once I calm her down :X
Thank you soo much and all for everyones advice! I'll rep everyone on here. When he was talking to her she said she wanted to go but he was saying don't go don't go but she did. I'll go with what tony said with option 2. I just gonna deal with it and let her make her our decision. More advice is appreciated!
BTLFED
05-06-2007, 10:36 AM
Thank you soo much and all for everyones advice! I'll rep everyone on here. When he was talking to her she said she wanted to go but he was saying don't go don't go but she did. I'll go with what tony said with option 2. I just gonna deal with it and let her make her our decision. More advice is appreciated!
That's good homie! Glad we could help. :goodjob:
B16a2 Civic
05-06-2007, 10:42 AM
Hey man, I hope the best for you 2. If you want keep us updated man
Nismo
05-06-2007, 10:59 AM
^ I agree, girls cause alot of drama. How old are you guys if you dont mind me asking.
^ I agree, girls cause alot of drama. How old are you guys if you dont mind me asking.
Both 18, yeah I know were still kinda young. I'll keep everyone updated as it goes on. Also in my opening post she said that I wasn't in just for sex and all. She had never had sex before until she got with me. So I don't want anyone to get the idea that shes a whore or something. Also what Bahumbug said is exactly what I was going to do. Thanks again everyone!!
ruah_23
05-06-2007, 11:09 AM
Take a step back!!Doo not love her as much as u love her before. That way if things go south at least u are not that upset.
ueyedgr8tness
05-06-2007, 01:22 PM
that clearly shows the she doesn't love you like you love her...having thoughts about your ex in a situation like that after 2 year relation ship....
every situation is different but look for another girl, this one will never love you.
and about the crying... women are crazy it might be something else... my ex used to do that crying shit i never got what she was crying for really, but she fucked like crazy once I calm her down :X
:goodjob: :goodjob: I will agree with that a 100% i went thrue the same shi* this last yr but didnt love the girl just cared alot about her she broke up with me once at the start of our relationship just to go back out with him.And then bam!!! he fucked her over again and now she is clingy as fuck cause she no now i got the control.But it makes it hard on me cause she says she in love with me and she would never take him back again and everything i have ever said about what he would do to her is true.
So my advice is go get u something on the side to just (HAngout with only are mabye date later) Because if she does go back to him !!!Hey atleast u got a backup to help the pain because 8-10 girls will leave any guy for there 1st love no matter what he has done to them:yes: Good luck hope u dont go crazy and shoot up schools if your heart gets broken:goodjob: cAuse believe me there plenty of fine ass females out there that wants a good man;)
81911SC
05-06-2007, 01:28 PM
I don't want to be so blunt as in saying "keep your options open." but I would maybe try to show her how much you care. On the other hand, I think she may need some space. It's not the best sign that she is even thinking about this. You and her have been together for to long for her to be reconsidering the relationship. I hope it works out for you and if you want keep us updated. IA>Relationships lol
This is what she txted me while I was at work today. I won't leave you. Even though all these feelings come back out... I love you more I realized he can't make me happy he broke my heart too much your the only one for me.
81911SC
05-06-2007, 06:28 PM
This is what she txted me while I was at work today. I won't leave you. Even though all these feelings come back out... I love you more I realized he can't make me happy he broke my heart too much your the only one for me. What did you say?
What did you say?
Nothing at all I was at work and I'll get bitched at by my manager if they saw me txting.
Good move! Actually don't text her back.. the text doesn't sound right "even though all these feelings come back out" Yeah.. she might not leave you but she'll drag you through bullshit. I still vote for keep your distance.
81911SC
05-06-2007, 06:41 PM
Does she know your at work? Does she know that you can't text at work? If not, you better go take a shit and send a text then.
ueyedgr8tness
05-06-2007, 06:44 PM
Good move! Actually don't text her back.. the text doesn't sound right "even though all these feelings come back out" Yeah.. she might not leave you but she'll drag you through bullshit. I still vote for keep your distance.
:goodjob:
She knows I can txt her back cause I've done it before. Should I txt her back or not? If so what should I say back. Not really sure
81911SC
05-06-2007, 06:47 PM
Well it won't be a good idea not to text back at all, b.c then she will think you think its over or some shit. Man fuck them women mind games.
preferredduck
05-07-2007, 08:01 AM
Well it won't be a good idea not to text back at all, b.c then she will think you think its over or some shit. Man fuck them women mind games.
:goodjob: mindgames or game games, there all the same.
william_jeff
05-07-2007, 08:20 AM
I dont see what there is for her to be confused about. he screwed her over and you took her in. after a year and nine months there should be no question of who she wants to be with. there's not much you can do. your not going to break up with her, so it is all in her hands. if she wants him and not you, then the bitch will leave you. in which case she would have eventually left you at some point in life anyways. if she wants you, then she's a good girlfriend and she made the right choice. unfortunatly, i really dont think much of it is in your control and you'll just have to wait. i hope everything works out for you.
X2
no reason for her to be confused if she is really in love with you. look at it this way though at least she's open and you can TRY to prepare yourself for the worse. IMO break up with her before she does it to you IF you think she's going back to him that is
00CelicaGT
05-07-2007, 02:49 PM
i hope everything works out for u man. i've been having problems wit my girl too, i kinda feel the same way u do and i have taken the same route ur about to take (giving them space) and honestly we haven't spoken in 3 weeks, things arent looking good. my feelings for her have started to fade which hasn't been easy since we have been together for almost 2 and a half yrs, also my relationship is far more complicated since my relationship is a long distance relationship, so the space thing may actually work for u. but i have even thought about dating again so that ill have someone close by but i have just been too scared to even approach a girl at work that has asked me if i wanted to go out to get something to eat.
the best advice i can give u is to stay strong and if u love her than love her, dont let anyone tell u otherwise.
i was once told this quote by someone, but cant remember who.
"You are never really in love untill you can fall out of love, then fall back in love with that person". Which i hope is what will happen in my relationship.
but Good Luck with ur relationship:goodjob:
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