babygurl
02-22-2007, 01:44 PM
Well some might be a repost! ( I suddenly have the Brett Disorder)
Gas Attack
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
__________________________________________________ _______________
Irish Bank Robbery
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Dublin Times (metropolitan edition, page 2A) on 2 March 1999:
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found Only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.
They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Lettuce and Tomato
This guy has to baby-sit his litle brother, and when his parents leave they say, 'Now, don't you bring your girlfriend over, or you're in big trouble, young man.'
The guy promises he won't, but as soon as his parents left he puts his little brother to bed and calles up his girlfriend. She comes over and they get down in the bed to fuck each other, and she says, 'Okay, lettuce means harder and tomato means faster.' So they go at it, shouting, 'Lettuce, tomato! Lettuce, tomato!'
The little brother chooses this moment to come into the bedroom saying he can't sleep, and asks, 'What are you doing?'
The guy, thinking quickly, says, 'Oh, we're making a sandwich.' So they continue to bang the bone-dance, shouting, 'Lettuce, tomato! Lettuce, tomato!'
The little brother put his hand to his cheek and said, 'Yuck, you got mayonaise on my face!'
__________________________________________________ _______________
Ma and Pa
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Long Time Without Sex
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.
"How did I gethere, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years?
No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
Gas Attack
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
__________________________________________________ _______________
Irish Bank Robbery
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Dublin Times (metropolitan edition, page 2A) on 2 March 1999:
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found Only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.
They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Lettuce and Tomato
This guy has to baby-sit his litle brother, and when his parents leave they say, 'Now, don't you bring your girlfriend over, or you're in big trouble, young man.'
The guy promises he won't, but as soon as his parents left he puts his little brother to bed and calles up his girlfriend. She comes over and they get down in the bed to fuck each other, and she says, 'Okay, lettuce means harder and tomato means faster.' So they go at it, shouting, 'Lettuce, tomato! Lettuce, tomato!'
The little brother chooses this moment to come into the bedroom saying he can't sleep, and asks, 'What are you doing?'
The guy, thinking quickly, says, 'Oh, we're making a sandwich.' So they continue to bang the bone-dance, shouting, 'Lettuce, tomato! Lettuce, tomato!'
The little brother put his hand to his cheek and said, 'Yuck, you got mayonaise on my face!'
__________________________________________________ _______________
Ma and Pa
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Long Time Without Sex
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.
"How did I gethere, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years?
No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"